Toxic Kids:

Flew in and met the grandson and his mum at the airport to bring him back for a holiday with the grandparents. Bad smells on the flight burning the nostrils, but you never know who does that on an aircraft because of the air conditioning. You know it has to be someone close though. Find out too late that your little passenger has a dose of the runs.

Ageing:

Scientists believe that we travel through time at the speed of light and through space at relatively no speed at all. To go faster through space you have to trade off and go slower through time. I'm only getting older, so you lot get out and push.

Marriage 101:

When your wife and you are chatting with your married friends and the friend's wife says "You haven't got those shed doors up yet. You made them months ago", don't say to your friend "You have a million jobs to do around the place, but they only have to spy one you haven't done and they want to know why not". You will be in for it later and if your friend agrees with you, so will he be.